Have you ever hit this point where you knew everything relied on you but you can’t move? You need to run, but your feet are stuck.
I know many will understand and many won’t, but that’s where I’ve been. Staring at the work I should be doing and being unable to move, because of guilt, exhaustion, a blow to my passion from how the year has gone. I get anxiety and can’t sleep. I get up to try and work… only to stare painfully at the computer, unable to think, unable to focus, unable to process even step one of any of my dozens of to-do lists.
There’s been a lot of questions recently. Like people wanting paperback editions of Kaliya and Jacky for the recent releases. You don’t have them yet not because of Amazon, but because of me. I do those covers. I format the books. I literally haven’t made them yet. Audiobooks? Erika and the lovely narrators have been doing their best, I’m the one who hasn’t been doing my pieces of it when I need to be.
Let’s not even get into writing. I can tell you I have written practically nothing worth publishing in the month of July and we’ll just leave it at all.
And Patreon? Oh man, the guilt I feel. I had such big plans for this year. I was so excited and now… I lie awake, paralyzed by anxiety because I made this big thing and it’s been… I can’t say a failure because it seems my lovely supporters like what they have gotten, but I feel like a failure.
Today, I am going to try and hit the reset button. Start small by posting some things to Patreon, and probably trimming Patreon back down. Going back to the basics of the tiers, and some other changes. I’m going to try and write Tainted Blood and send it to my editor before it’s too late and I need to push the release back again. I might even get a Jacky 9 preorder up in August (which is still planned for January 2023.)
I don’t really know what to say except I’m sorry and also… thank you. Thank you for continuing to stand beside me while I go through this. My mental health took a nose dive after my physical health did what it did. I’m coming out of it. I think I needed to be entirely checked out for a while but that doesn’t make me feel less guilty for it. Let’s hope the upward trend continues and I can keep this momentum and finally get back on track.
You know sometimes life gets in the way and that’s OK x sounds like you need a wee break xx am happy to wait x always looks after yourself 1st don’t worry about us x ♥
We support you! <3
I love the books and all the content, but they aren't as important as you as a person.
Sending the best wishes possible to you!
I appreciate you taking the time to write this, especially because of how you are feeling. I am probably in the group of people that hasn’t gone through what you have, but that doesn’t mean I don’t understand you need time and space to feel better. Please take that time. All the time you need. YOU are what matters first, always. Everything else can wait. I know it’s har, but try to let the guild go. I don’t blame you and I know I am not the only one. Take care of yourself. That is all I ask.
We love your writing. We love you. We will wait.
Take the moment, when you are ready, you will know. We’ll be here…
Put yourself first and take your time. We’ll still be here!
I truly love your books and look forward to Jacky..but I will wait until you feel better.
Please take all the time you need as I love your writing and you.
You are doing great! You are by far the most fan/reader active author I have ever seen. It’s a blessing to us needy assholes that you do so much for us. That being said.. STOP. You need to focus on YOU! Your happiness and well-being is more important. Take time for yourself and ask for help when it’s needed. Will will still be here eagerly waiting for our book/character “Fix” when you are ready to work on your projects.
Able-bodiness is an interesting and provocative topic. I have been healthy all my life but have had to stand witness as I watch my sister deal with a handicap that occurred while in the Army. It takes grit and a well of strength to keep going in the face of that struggle. Do not despair. You will rise again. It may take longer to do what you want and the schedule may suffer….but you will adapt. We love your stories and will wait. Take care.
Truly love your writing, but I want you happy and healthy. I have no problem rereading everything you have written a million times again until you are up to adding more.
Take care of you. The writing will happen when it happens.
Sweetie, I know mental health issues! I love all of your books, but take all the time you need! Your health is much more important!
You’ve had so much happen this year. If all that happened to me I’d be right where you are too. Do what you can and just know it’s okay that it isn’t perfect. You aren’t letting us down if things take a little longer than planned. It just builds the suspense 😉.
I can honestly say that I appreciated reading this. Typically I ignore most email, but I went ahead and opened yours because I’ve been enjoying all of your various series enough that I’m eagerly awaiting each new book. I expected to be disappointed after the email blurb seemed like it was some sort of book delay.
Instead, I’m not disappointed at all. I’m humbled, to be honest. You take care of you. You can’t write the books I want you to be writing if you don’t. I appreciate the honesty, and I hope that when you get back to writing, that you enjoy doing it.
You’ve got this. Take care of yourself
I totally get this burn out. I get this exact feeling of needing a break but feeling guilty for taking it. I even let it get so bad that I had to go to therapy for it, because I kept pushing and forcing myself back to work, ignoring my burnout, just because the guilt was more than I could bear.
But my therapist made a good point in asking me what was my breaking point? Is it worth it to force myself into this situation, where I’m starting to hate what I used to love? Is it worth going into depression, and it affecting my relationships? How far is too far? She also added that guilt is defined as feeling bad for doing something wrong.
It’s not “wrong” to take care of yourself, to give yourself a much-needed break. It’s already been proven that happy employees are more efficient in a company than unhappy ones – and that applies to a singular person as well.
It sounds like you are already making plans to reduce your anxiety, but I hope my words will help you address some of your misplaced guilt. As someone who went through severe burnout, I just want you to know that someone out there knows and gets it. In my experience, my burn out was a result of my kids.. which made allowing myself a break from them every day a difficult thing to swallow.
I did eventually overcome it – starting with giving myself 30 mins every day to do something I wanted to do (recommended by my therapist and hospital staff when I tested positive for post-part in depression) – but it was required that it had nothing to do with being a mom. Over time, I felt less and less guilty for taking that time, and now my mental health is in a much better place.
Your health – mental and physical is more important than the writing. We can wait. Take the time to get to a better place first.
You sound so overwhelmed. Trying to turn something you enjoy into a lucrative career really sucks the fun out of it, imnsho.
My .02? Take the noise off the table, re-prioritize, and take time to relax, decompress and just PLAY with your writing, along with whatever else you enjoy doing. Be creative for your *own enjoyment, not ours. Find your fun again.
I also found that a good workout with all of my focus on perfect form and digging in was pretty Zen too, but I know that’s an acquired taste 😉
Small bites. I know you have commitments but taking time to literally just screw around without a care in the world about whether it’s “good enough” for public consumption was helpful for me.
You just take your time… Do you for a change. We will wait patiently till you are feeling well…. We all love you and your books. We will wait… take as much time as you need.
From experience, I hope that you are talking with someone. I had many of the same symptoms and I did not. I let things go too long and it may cost me my professional license (I am still in the process of finding out). I will say some prayers for you though, that you do not have to go through what I did. Getting the help is the first step to getting through it.
It’s ok, you are allowed to have a mental health break when u need it. I have needed them myself before for different things but still. Not going anywhere will wait for whatever time you need
Hang in there, we’re here for you
I will join the chorus of well wishers. You have nothing to be sorry for. I wonder how you can function at all with everything you have been through. You are by far my favorite author. I look forward to your next book whenever it comes out. I know it will be great. Also praise for Bitter Discord. I wrote a 5 star review
Take care of yourself, give yourself a break…we all go through difficult times and you are the priority. We can wait, your books are always worth waiting for, sending positive feelings your way x
Anxiety can be paralysing. Just set yourself very small goals-not necessarily to do with your writing and celebrate achieving them. Invest time in your own well-being first and other things will then happen at the right time. Small steps soon add up.
Take a step back. Slow down as You have too many claiming to be what is most important. You are the one who must important. Now let your mind go and carefully talk to each, then listen to what they are saying and go from there.don’t
push it and don’t get in the way of yourself stop trying to be it all. Thank you for being you.
We all just want you to get well mentally and physically. The books can wait. I don’t care how long I have to wait 6 months, a year. YOU are more important than your books. While I’m waiting for the new books, I’ll go back and re-read the books you have already blessed us with. Be good to yourself and family.
Get strong & Stand strong….we all are supporting you the person.
Grist for the mill
Eventually this experience will be digested/processed and in some way shape or form you’ll incorporate it into your writing it is that ability to express life in all its multiplicity that makes your writing authentic & fabulous
“Courage is fear that has said it’s prayers”
Thank you for sharing your truth warts &a llama
Sending hugs. Hope the fresh start structure is effective. It’s a horrible place to be. Fingers crossed you start to move out if it.
Take a breath.
Start small. Just do one thing. It can be the simplest, smallest task.
When you have completed it, feel proud. You have started. Keep going, onto the next small task.
Don’t worry about the big picture right now. Keep it small and steady and before you know it you will be back on track.
Know that you are seen and understood.
And finally, be kind to yourself ❤
Take your time. We love your books not because you rush them, but because you put so much thought and effort into them. Don’t worry about the details like when you need to have them done by or if the publishing date has to be pushed off again. We’ll still be here when your ready to move forward, even if that’s just 1 step a day, 1 step a month. Heck! Take a vacation! Go to Hawaii or somewhere you love and chill, relax, we’ll still be here for you when you get back. We love you and support all that you do, especially when it’s a much needed break.
All I’m trying to say is don’t worry about us and what you think we need from you, worry about yourself and do what you know or think you know you need to do for yourself. We’ll be here no matter what. 😉
Read a lot of your books and liked them a lot. If you need a time out take it! It is both your responsibility and your right to take care of yourself. Sure, there is that sense of not letting this get to your head, but it is fine, especially with this year. Have a good rest and looking forward to reading your books sometime in the future.