WelpSurgery

10 Days Later.

I’ve resisted writing a blog or posting an update for 10 days. I don’t want anyone to think I’m a whining, complaining child. So I resisted. But, considering how the last 10 days have gone, an update might clear my head. It’s a lot of pity party, but you know… fuck it. Let’s have a pity party.

On March 17th, I checked in, I was put under, and a lovely doctor cut open my arm at the elbow and fiddled around. It’s honestly a common surgery. Ulnar nerve decompression (don’t look up images unless you are okay with surgical images).

But a common surgery is still a surgery and… well, having two working arms is immensely important for life.

In good news, I am not under a particularly large amount of pain. In fact, I’ve gotten by on purely ibuprofen (which I asked for. I didn’t want anything stronger, and my doctor/surgeon made sure I was certain with that when I requested it.)

On the flip side, there are things very uncomfortable. Daily, normal tasks are insanely difficult or impossible. Putting on a jacket. Sleeping in a normal position with my arm stable and elevated (and I’m a toss and turner when I sleep so hahahaha). Doing my own hair. My husband has done my ponytail every day since surgery, gods bless him. Lighting a cigarette takes two hands, fun fact (I mostly vape unless I’m really stressed). My husband has been, quite literally, my left hand for two weeks, especially when I need to bend the elbow any further than an inch. If I accidentally bend too much, I pay for it with soreness and annoyance. It’s impossible to avoid, but you know, you forget. The pain subsides just enough to forget about then you reach to fix your jacket and bend in the wrong way… -insert a lot of groaning and frustration- There’s more but I’ll leave it to imaginations to see what you go in life that requires two arms that bend at the elbow.

Typing is… hard. Particularly, typing a lot, my literal job, has been impossible. I hate it. I figured it would happen, but I hate it. In fact, I was ready for it to be the case, so I set up a long list of other stuff I’ve needed to get done.

I have finished… 2 things on that list in 10 days. I’m all sorts of out of whack. Sleep is hard. Being awake is hard. If the elbow doesn’t hurt like a bone bruise, it fucking ITCHES.

And after 10 days, I haven’t even seen the incision. When I woke up, I was already bandaged and ready to leave for my time “off” until followup. Follow up is in 2 days. I am hoping this wrap comes off permanently or gets replaced with something more mobile. The damn wrap is half the battle. It doesn’t allow me to slow bend any further than a certain point. It’s also tight and itchy and warm and I need to ice. I can’t wear a hoodie. Jacket, yes, but sometimes that’s too warm on the arm. But I remove it and that shoulder starts to freeze.

I’ve spent 10 days unable to be functional by myself, 10 days unable to be comfortable, 10 days of just keeping it raised most of the time to help with swelling.

And I know it’s so I heal correctly, but fuck. I hate it. I hate it so much I’ve gone missing to my own best and amazing friends. It’s really just been me and Nick the last 10 days because I hate this and he understands and he’s here helping me with everything, even the stupid stuff we forget is so easy in life. I am so happy he’s my husband right now because I am struggling. I hope I never have to do something like this again. Well if it does come about again, I’ll be more prepared for how it makes me feel.

So let’s keep our fingers cross for the follow up and an upward improvement in my mental state. Because that’s what’s killing me right now. I am… independent to a point of toxicity and I’ve lost that. Work is really important to me, but I can’t do it and that makes me feel like a failure.

But, it’s all to heal, and I know that. It helps. It doesn’t absolve my other feelings, but it helps. Everyone reminds me this is for the best and I don’t need the reminders, but I appreciate them because my brain is telling me I failed.

Patreon will get an update on Patreon. It shouldn’t be anything life changing. Just a small check in.

TLDR: I’m struggling a lot, but healing. After typing all of that, my elbow hurts. -sigh-

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Kaylee
Kaylee
1 month ago

Okay first off this doesn’t seem like a pity party. You are going through something very hard and life altering it’s 100% Okay to be out if whack. I am so grateful you were able to get the medical care you needed. It sounds frustrating and as someone who has a shoulder surgery in her future has pointed out some stuff I needed to think about so thanks for that. I hope your check up goes well!

Tracy Goodwin
Tracy Goodwin
1 month ago

Fingers crossed for the check up xx

Mary Thompson
Mary Thompson
1 month ago

Hang in there. It will get better and in a few weeks, months you will crack jokes about this time.

Madelyn
Madelyn
1 month ago

It sucks hard. Spent four months in bed with badly broken ankle, propped up, heavy plaster cast…BUT! I could use both arms…so I feel ya big time. This horrible frustration will soon pass and you’ll be back up to fighting strength in no time! Best!

Timi
Timi
1 month ago

Ok my love first off bitch, moan, complain, and have a pity party……you just had surgery and having to relearn everything and your husband is a saint helping you…after this is done give him a night off as a big thank you just remember it can’t be easy for him either….take care of yourself first and foremost take the time to heal and rejuvenate…so what if you have it gotten two things done on your list take the time to heal, take care of yourself and come back 100 % refreshed….have faith that it will all be better. Sending love and healing vibes to you…relax

rainy kemp
rainy kemp
1 month ago

We all can be your souding board. You had major surgery, it sucks, healing process sucks (worth it). Follow directions don’t overdue and the healing will be faster.

Marilyne Méneard
Marilyne Méneard
1 month ago

I understand what you are going through. I have SDRC in my whole right arm for the last 10 years. If you need to talk to until you have full use of your two arms. I would advise you to take everything an hour/day at a time. Meditation helps with the annoyance and frustrations.